can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
