i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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