I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
