i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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