Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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