whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He felt like a one man threesome
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
