Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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