we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
