If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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