Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
