I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
