i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
