wakey wakey hands off snakey
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
