Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
