did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
