Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
even my farts smell like vagina
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't EVER smell your tampon
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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