Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
