Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
