I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
