last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
