Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
