I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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