is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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