Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
