For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
