nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
