I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
