It's Friday. Sex?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
