Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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