I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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