So drunk its hurt
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
