I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
