Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
