Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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