I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
