Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sponge bath it is.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
