I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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