I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
