8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
