My cat gives me a boner
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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