I must be too annoying 4 u.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
whose parrot is this?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
