she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
