Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
