I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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