The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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