i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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