He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
