Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
