dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
