New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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