so explain again why im purple
no
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
