fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
