I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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