i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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