I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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