In America we eat man semen.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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