Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
