dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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