you guys were way drunker than both of me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
