dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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