forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
