i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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