you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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