Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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