His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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