piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
