I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
what day is it and did you see me today?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
