who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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