Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
