i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
