I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
