when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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