if i can run in heels then i can drive
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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