Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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