He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
