my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
