I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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