the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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