"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
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Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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