ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
