ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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