It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
