idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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