I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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