Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
